Photo with 1 note
One of those days where everything you have striven for and the one thing you are proud to say you are truly good at, is being threatened, and you envision it all unravel right in front of you.
This photo was captured sitting on the stairs on the way up the trail to one of the 7 mountains surrounding Bergen. The intention was to go for a hike, but things happened that had me cancel those plans. I just couldn’t.
Day 126/366: Dream a little dream…
The unreal is more powerful than the real. Because nothing is as perfect as you can imagine it. Because its only intangible ideas, concepts, beliefs, fantasies that last. Stone crumbles. Wood rots. People, well, they die. But things as fragile as a thought, a dream, a legend, they can go on and on. If you can change the way people think. The way they see themselves. The way they see the world. You can change the way people live their lives. That’s the only lasting thing you can create.
I lie alone in the dark. Although, sadness is with me. It is almost always there, inside me somewhere, or watches me from the outside, reminds me … that I can not escape it. That, and the anxiety. They don’t make it easy to forget. Residing in my chest and behind the eyes. Soreness, a longing to cry.
My grief is sometimes suffocating me, filling my chest to the brim. It hurts, as if something is stuck there, something that needs out. I feel like screaming.
I feel the sorrow on my skin as well, it is crawling all over, making me twitch and itch. Tingling, almost feeling like a fever.
My stomach is heavy with grief, it stings.
Grief makes me hate myself and everything moves slowly when I feel it. When I apply makeup it is all wrong, arms weighing too much and I cannot make them do what I want! Grief makes me nauseous. All I am, all I want to do is pathetic. Ugh, everything is blurry in this state, I have to fight my way through a thick layer of nothing in order to get me through this
Fear is fascinating. It sits behind my back like a knife. A threat, nothing more. A constant fear that something else horrible is about to happen.
(My lips tremble, I don’t want to write this. Fearing that whoever reads this think that these feelings is all I am, but I am not. I am not my fears. I only have them. Mantra to myself, the good, my hopes has not disappeared, it is all still there. Both within and out)
Day 108/366: Still Waters
You can not see your reflection in running water, only in still water.
We all need to sit still, to be still at times, to really observe ourselves and/or the world. Maybe even more important for anyone that photographs.To see with mindfulness, really pay attention, whether your subject is other people, nature or “lifeless” objects. That is when you might be capable of developing an intimacy with your subjects. And you no longer walk sightless among all the wonders all around you. No matter the amount of expensive equipment you might carry around with you to shoot with, if you are not attentive and walk through the world with mindfulness, you are not seeing and living, and you will miss moments and you will miss life.
(Not shot today, but created today)
Photo with 1 note
Day 93/366: Wind in my hair
I decided to take a walk outside during my lunch today, since it looked so nice out. I thought maybe even though it had snowed earlier, that the sun would warm things up. No such luck! The wind was bone chilling!
Shot with my Samsung Galaxy SII